Don’t Be Afraid

Today’s Saturday Short is “Don’t Be Afraid” from the Shape Up and Fly Right collection. It’s about the darkness lurking under the facade of the perfect families in educational shorts.

The star of our short is Billy, who is building a complicated contraption in his bedroom. Mom comes in and asks him why he isn’t in bed yet. He’s not a bit sleepy, he tells Mom. Tough, she says, time for you to go to sleep. We have to get up early tomorrow, remember? Now good night, she says, turning off the lights and shutting the door.

Billy doesn’t go to sleep after Mom leaves. Instead he stares at the shadows moving along the wall as the narrator plays creepy music and tells Billy that fear is natural and not shameful. It won’t help you when the closet monster jumps out to eat your face anyway.

Suddenly Billy sits straight up. He leaps out of bed to turn on the lights, calling for his mother. She comes in. What’s wrong? Can I sleep with the lights on tonight, he asks. Oh, Mom says, so that’s what’s going on.

Mom walks Billy back to bed. Are you often afraid like this? she asks. You should have told me. Being afraid of the dark is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone is afraid sometimes. Remember last Sunday when Mom was making breakfast? She spilled some bacon grease on the stove and it caught fire. Everyone was terrified until Dad smothered the fire with a pot lid. Their fear was a way of alerting them of the danger.

Speaking of danger, remember the time you were playing ball with your friends at school and accidentally threw the ball on the roof? Remember how Danny was mad at you? Remember how he told you to climb up the drain pipe to get it down? You were afraid then, weren’t you Billy? You knew that if you climbed the drain pipe you would fall. That fear was your way of warning you not to do something stupid. So you did the smart thing and got the janitor to bring his ladder to get the ball down. Sometimes it’s good sense to pay attention to your fear.

But not always. Sometimes we’re afraid of things that can’t hurt us. Like Kathy Lewis who was afraid of dogs. Billy found out about that when he was playing with Scrappy the Collie. Kathy wouldn’t come near him when she saw the dog. In fact, she ran across the street. What a fraidy cat, Billy says. Scrappy wouldn’t have hurt her.

That wasn’t a nice thing to say about Kathy, Mom doesn’t say. Instead she goes into being afraid of what people might think and how that is wrong. Remember when Mrs. Campbell called her a few months ago looking for Frank? He hadn’t come home from school and his parents were worried. Eventually they found Frank in the basement, hiding next to their single barrel in the middle of the room. He was afraid to show his parents his report card because he got bad grades. If he got bad grades, his parents wouldn’t love him anymore he thought. Where in the heck did Frank get that idea? What’s been going on at the Campbell place? And why is there a single barrel in their basement? What’s it for? Do we need to be concerned?

So you see, Mom says, people can be afraid of all sorts of foolish things. Like being afraid of the dark, Billy says. But what can you do about it? First, Mom replies, figure out if there’s something real to be afraid of, like the grease fire. Then learn how to protect yourself, like when Dad threw the pot lid on the fire. If it’s nothing concrete that’s frightening you, decide if it’s a warning that something is incredibly stupid and you shouldn’t do it, like climbing the drain pipe.

But how can you tell if it’s a real danger, Billy asks. Use your common sense, says Mom. Find out if others are afraid of the same thing you are. Like Kathy who could see that Scrappy wasn’t dangerous by the way Billy was playing with him. That’s true, says Billy, and Kathy isn’t afraid of dogs anymore. Her dad got her a Cocker spaniel puppy, a breed known for serious biting. Kathy trained her dog to destroy her enemies and now she’s not afraid anymore.

You can also get over your fear by talking it over with someone, like Mom and Billy are right now. Frank should have done that, Mom said. His fear of his parents was one reason why he got bad grades in the first place. Seriously, what’s going on at the Campbells? I’m starting to wonder if we need to get CPS involved over there.

So how about your fear of the dark? Well, Billy says, it’s not so much the dark as much as the fact that he’s afraid that Mom and Dad might slip away in the middle of the night and never come back. Oh, don’t worry about that, Mom says. If they’re going to one of their all-night keggers they’ll call a babysitter for Billy. And they won’t leave without telling him, either.

Now let’s try this going-to-bed thing again. Should I leave the light on, Mom asks? No, just leave the door cracked open, Billy says. Okay, Mom says. Good night, she says as she turns out the light and halfway closes the door.

The narrator returns to drone Billy to sleep by recapping the lessons of the short for the second time. Billy feigns sleep to get the narrator to leave his room. And what do you know, it works! Good job, Billy!

Sleep for Health

Today’s Saturday Short is “Sleep for Health,” part of the “Go To Bed!” series. It’s a rare Go To Bed short that does not star Dick York. No, this is directed to small children to convince them that bedtime is fun and not worth making a fuss over.

We begin with our hero and heroine, David and Martha, watching their baby sibling sleeping. A middle-aged woman wonders when the baby is going to do anything besides sleep and eat. Oh wait, that was supposed to be Martha. Her voice is apparently thirty years older than her body.

Then we move to the living room where Mom is giving the baby its bottle, Martha is playing with her doll, and David and Dad are reading a book and the paper respectively. (Way to reinforce gender stereotypes, Encyclopedia Britannica. Can’t let those womenfolk think they can be getting all brainy. Isn’t there a diaper they could be changing?) Anyway. The clock chimes and Mom tells the kids it’s time for bed. Martha immediately begins putting her doll to bed while David begs to stay up long enough to finish his chapter. It’s a long chapter, about 400 pages, so it might take him a while to finish it.

Nothing doing. David and Martha set off to the bathroom to begin the Going to Bed Ritual. They wash up at the sink, brush their teeth, and hang up their clothes. The last is the most important part of the ritual according to the narrator. One detects a strong hint there. The narrator yammers on about the right kind of nighties while David and Martha leave all the doors and windows open because they live in a barn.

David falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Or maybe the narrator droning on about the physical benefits of sleep bored him to unconsciousness. Around 10:00 a plane flies overhead which makes David dream about flying a toy airplane and fixing it with a giant wrench. This makes no sense to the narrator. I would love to show the narrator some of my weirder dreams. The one about the world’s ugliest dog ought to freak him out good and proper. It sure did me.

The next morning David wakes up before his alarm goes off. The narrator tells us it’s because he’s trained himself to get up at that time but I’m not so sure. I’ve heard a few of those alarm clocks in other shorts and I know they have the world’s most obnoxious ring. Maybe David gets up before the alarm so he won’t fling the blasted thing out the window.

Another benefit to getting up early is that David is able to be presentable in time for an unusually elaborate breakfast for a weekday. The family is crammed around a table littered with plates, flowers, a silver coffee service, and a toaster. Why is the toaster on the table? Was there a danger that the toast might get cold in the two feet between the table and the counter? And where is it plugged in? Is there an outlet on the floor? How does that make sense? You’d never be able to mop that floor and all kinds of crud would get in the outlet. This is sending me into a severe existential crisis. Fortunately there’s another scene starting.

Now we’re in David’s class in school which is blessedly toaster-free. We move on from David the Perfect to George who is falling asleep in class. The narrator sends us back in time so we can see George’s bedtime ritual. He’s playing in his room while he listens to an old timey gangster radio program. Once the snitch has been bumped off, he climbs into his unmade bed and stares at the ceiling.

The next morning George’s mom wakes him up by putting her face two inches above his and yelling. He hurriedly gets dressed and runs off to school, leaving the door wide open behind him. How come it’s all right for Martha to leave her door open at night but it’s not okay for George to do it during the day? Oh, that’s right, normal families are dysfunctional in 1950s Educational Short World.

George, frustrated with the role the narrator is making him play, gets into a fight while playing volleyball. The coach completely ignores the fracas because David is such a cheerful, chipper young man who gets plenty of sleep. The short ends with a montage of good and bad bedtime habits to remind us that David and Martha are perfect while your family is inferior and doomed to a lifetime of bad sleep.

Rest and Health

Today’s Saturday Short is “Rest and Health”, part of the “Go to Bed!” series. Dick York stars as George, a high-school student who is having trouble sleeping. His friend Stripey is worried because George has been lagging behind at track practice. It’s not so much that he’s concerned about his friend’s health, it’s that they have a conference meet coming up. George claims he doesn’t need as much sleep as other people, but Stripey tells him that’s a load of bull pucky. Everyone’s been noticing how tired George is all the time–even his girlfriend Sue. “No, not Sue,” George mutters.

It’s easy to see why Dick York had a successful acting career after these educational shorts. He’s the best actor in every one that he’s in…except this one. That “No, not Sue” line was so bad it sounds like it was said by someone from “The Bully.” I’m guessing Coronet didn’t have enough money to go back and do another take which is a shame because I know Mr. York can do much better than that.

Coach comes into the locker room to ask George why his running has gotten so bad. He’s gone over George’s last sports physical but he hasn’t found anything that would account for his recent performance. George tells Coach about his trouble sleeping. Coach tells George he needs a change from studying all the time and talks about how he goes bowling with George’s dad.

Side note: do any of you remember that old Adult Swim show Moral Orel? Do you remember how Orel’s dad had a secret affair with the gym teacher? I think there’s something like that going on here. Coach is a leetle too happy about bowling night with George’s dad.

Stripey butts in to tell Coach about how George fell asleep at his own ping-pong party last Saturday night. Flashback to the party. George is sacked out on the couch while Sue glares at him. Eventually she gives up on him and starts playing ping-pong with someone else. Flash forward to the locker room. George admits that Sue is still mad at him and comes to the realization that she probably gets enough sleep at night.

Coach sees a teachable moment. He gives George a few relaxation techniques to help him sleep at night without boring himself to unconsciousness reading about tariffs. George tries Coach’s advice and soon he’s sleeping all night, every night. Now he’s super-hyper and able to do All The Things. This will help him later on when he joins the Navy and has to help his friend Buzz in “Combat Fatigue: Insomnia.”

Combat Fatigue: Insomnia

Today’s Saturday Short is brought to you by the U.S. Navy! It’s about “Combat Fatigue: Insomnia” (as opposed to Combat Fatigue: Early Term for PTSD?).

Please note the young fellow on the left as the movie begins. If you’re of A Certain Age he will look kind of familiar to you. Almost like you’ve seen him in something before. Is it? Could it be? Yes, it’s a young Dick York, also known as the first Darren from Bewitched. He got his start in educational shorts. Everyone has to start somewhere.

This short begins with a Donald Duck cartoon. Let’s enjoy.

Uh-oh, it looks like Dick’s friend Buzz is not enjoying. Seems that the cartoon hits a little close to home for him because he’s been having trouble sleeping. Dick gives him all sorts of well-meaning and unasked-for advice all the way from the theater to the barracks to the shower. We spend a lot of time in the shower watching Dick wash up. Little something for the ladies (and some of the fellas)!

That night, as Buzz lies in bed brooding, the narrator comes to bore him to sleep with a lecture. The narrator asks Buzz to watch Dick who is also having trouble falling asleep. Because Buzz keeps staring at him? No, Dick has something on his mind. Several things, in fact. He’s worried about his friend, he’s worried about getting his leave papers signed, he’s worried about his laundry. Eventually he decides all of this can wait until the morning and goes to sleep.

But it’s not so easy for Buzz. He doesn’t know what’s bothering him. Is it tension left over from work? The narrator advises Buzz to see his doctor to find out if there’s something physical going on. (The way Buzz keeps staring at Dick makes one wonder if he wishes there was something physical going on.)

The narrator walks Buzz through relaxation techniques. He tells him to lie down and release the tension one body part at a time. There’s actually some good advice here, and it might have been more effective if this hadn’t been filmed in black and slightly less black (to quote a wisecracking robot). We leave Buzz lying flat on his back, staring at the ceiling, waiting for the narrator to quit yapping so he can get some sleep.