Today’s Saturday Short is “Let’s Make a Sandwich,” from the Let’s Not and Say We Did Series. It’s presented by Your Gas Company which raises some uncomfortable questions about the sandwich under discussion.
But first, let’s visit a couple of boys chowing down on a hamburger and hot dog while downing Coca-Colas out of a glass bottle. Oh no, we aren’t going into the whole “is a hot dog a sandwich” argument, are we?
No, we’re going to visit Sally Gaskell and her mother who are preparing a post-movie snack. Recognize Sally? We last saw her in A Date With Your Family. Now she’s pulled her hair back and she’s making a special kind of sandwich for her friends: Tuna Rarebit. What is that? Keep watching to find out.
Tuna Rarebit, the narrator tells us, is a “sandwich for forks,” or what normal people call an “open-faced sandwich.” The bread of choice is rye since the caraway flavor makes a good contrast to the “bland” fish and cheese. Mother makes tiny slices along the crust so the edges won’t harden and curl when toasted. How the heck are you toasting that bread?
Meanwhile, Sally puts a cube of butter in a double boiler. The narrator claims that chunk is a square inch. I claim that he’s confused his ruler with a yardstick because that slab was nothing like one single inch in any dimension. Sally then adds a cup of milk before slicing a cube of “cheese of an easy melting type.” Looks to me like American cheese which, as we all know, is merely spreadable plastic. Mother butters the bread with whatever butter is left after Sally claimed her “square inch.”
Sally simmers her dairy mixture on the stove until the cheese is melted. Then she adds a can of chunk-style tuna into the pot. She stirs the glop with a wooden spoon to avoid discoloration of the mixture. What in the Samuel Langhorn Clemens are their metal spoons made from, polonium?
While Sally stinks up the kitchen, Mother works on the sides. She wants a “variation of color and texture” so she makes a “salad dish” or what we would call a veggie tray. Sally dumps an entire bag of potato chips in a bowl for another side dish. The narrator tells us chips used to be considered “picnic fare” but are now “useful accessory foods” for teenagers. In other words, by the end of the evening there won’t even be a crumb left of the chips but most of the vegetables will be wilting on the tray.
Mother toasts the bread in the broiler. The rarebit is almost ready! Now it’s time to think about beverages. It is a Gracious Gesture to offer a choice, so they will set out milk or Cokes.
I’m starting to understand why the gas company sponsored this short.
Time to serve! Each plate will have two slices of bread. “The filling, or perhaps we should say ‘covering’ goes on top.” Oh, you mean like a TOPPING? Sally spoons the tuna/cheese mixture on the bread in the most unappetizing manner. Mother adds parsley for color while Sally adds a few drops of Tabasco sauce for “color and a taste surprise.” And now the Tuna Rarebit is complete.
I believe this is what is referred to in diner parlance as “shit on a shingle.”
Cut back to the boys with their hamburgers and hot dogs. They took one look at Sally’s Tuna Rarebit and made a mad dash for the closest burger stand instead. Can you blame them?
The Eclectic Reviewer 