Good Eating Habits

Today’s Saturday Short is “Good Eating Habits” from the How to Get an Eating Disorder series. It’s about Bill and his stomachache and what happened to give him a stomachache.

We join Bill as he’s having dinner with his family. The narrator wants us to know that it’s lots and lots of FUN! to eat supper with your family. Mother, Father, and Sister are all having a blast. Bill, however, is not. Maybe it’s because there’s an amoeba climbing up the wall behind him.

It’s also FUN! to play before bed, but again Bill proves the narrator a liar. He’s not having any FUN! at all watching his model train go round and round and round and round and round and round and [falls over from dizziness] . Also, he has a stomachache. Mother comes in, notices Bill clutching his stomach like his appendix just burst, and puts him to bed. She sits on the side of the bed to tell him a story. Tonight’s tale is “Why You Got a Stomachache.”

It began this morning. Bill was late to breakfast, which annoyed Father. When he finally got to the table, he bolted his food down as the amoeba slithered around in the wallpaper. After eating half his overly elaborate weekday breakfast, he dashed out of the room.

At lunchtime, Bill, still running around like a squirrel on amphetamines, decided not to buy soup to go with his sandwich. Instead, he ate his sandwich like a typewriter and scurried out of the cafeteria so he could play ball or whatever game he was in such a hurry to get to.

After school Bill went to the corner candy shop where he used his soup money to buy soda pop and candy. He stuffed it all in his mouth like a hamster and followed it up with a cookie. This brings us back to dinnertime when Bill just poked at his plate and slumped upstairs to watch his model train go round and round and round and round and round and round and [falls over from dizziness] .

Mother tucks Bill in and leaves him to contemplate his Bad Eating Habits. He tosses and turns all night, haunted by nightmares of the food he ate and didn’t eat that day. The cookie looms over him ominously.

The next morning, Bill feels better. He gets to breakfast on time and has a wonderful time drinking his orange juice. Father gives Bill his oatmeal. Bill chews it well and drinks his milk. The he has some bacon ‘n eggs ‘n toast. He chews them for hours on end. He also cuts his bacon with a knife like some kind of weirdo. The amoeba continues to crawl.

At school, Bill is shocked to find out that there’s a clock on the wall of his classroom. How long has that been there? Never mind, it’s time for lunch. This time Bill buys a bowl of soup to go with his sandwich and what looks like a rubber ball.

After school, Bill drinks some water from the fountain before going home to a snack of graham crackers and milk. Then he’s ready for play. Hard play, like flying a kite. It’s quite difficult if you don’t know what you’re doing, which Bill doesn’t.

At suppertime Bill is hungry again so he actually eats his dinner. He shows off his plate like Oliver Twist asking for more and is rewarded with two lumps of something unidentifiable. After supper he goes back to his room to watch his model train go round and round and round and round and round and round and suddenly the world ends. I knew that amoeba was up to something.